Thursday, January 12, 2006

Dinner Plates On Broom Sticks

How does one attain balance? Is it even worth pursuing? Can one ever have the pefect amount of solitude, work, sleep, exercise, intimacy, social time, nutritous sustenance, and spirituality? I don't know.
Lately I have been feeling that the regular demands of each day are a bit too much. By the time I have worked a full day, gone for a walk after work, made dinner, cleaned up the dishes and had a shower, it's already late into the evening and I am tired. Granted, my energy levels have not been too stellar through the first trimester of my pregnancy, but still, sometimes the usual things that everyone needs to do (work, eat, sleep, house-clean) just feel like too much and I can't muster the motivation to do what must be done.
Does anyone else ever feel this way?
I also know how maddening boredom can be, though, and I think I would take busyness over boredom most days. The year we were first married I took a semester off of University to just work and make some cash. The problem was that I could not, for the life of me, find a job. I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to be an unemployed bum for a few months, and was secretly excited about the chance to do nothing for a while.
The novelty of that nothingness wore off in about a week.
Within a few days I began to feel aimless, depressed, and like a big, blobby waste of space. It sucked. I tried to create structure in my day by going to the gym in the morning, reading, cleaning and cooking. But what ended up happening was I lost all motivation and just watched a lot of dumb TV shows (I sank to the level of actually looking forward to an episode of Starting Over every day).
I felt terrible about myself.
So, I don't know.
Will I ever find the perfect balance between being stretched in too many directions and being so bored I want to tweeze my sideburns out one hair at a time?

Amanda Brown at 3:23 PM



at 8:31 AM Blogger Isabella said...

Wow, how bizarre that I was just feeling the same things. I started going to the women's morning at my church and the bible study option I signed up for focus' on just this. I find that I do a lot of good things in each day but I always find when I go to bed something got slipped to the side or not paid the right homage. It's an interesting ride. And another element will be added to your journey of finding balance once you have a baby because now you are at home all day with a structure, but you'll still find yourself slipping into that tv rut for a while. It's truly a life long journey, but I sure could use a road map!

at 11:05 AM Blogger Michelle said...

This is a question that many women struggle with on a daily basis. Sometimes we fill our days with "things to do" so we feel like we accomplish a lot. Why do we feel bad when we have nothing to do? In this fast paced culture it is deemed almost a "sin" to have a whole afternoon to ourselves with nothing to do.
I think we all need to take time alone to figure out who we really are and what we really need. Not what the church thinks you should be nor your husband thinks you should be nor your friends. When all of the titles are stripped away, who are YOU? Once you find out who you are and what your goals are in life, your daily path should be easier to follow. The things that lead you to that goal, keep doing. The things that don't, say no to. Find a balance between what you have to do and what you want to do. These things take time and at 40, I am still working on them myself.

at 10:42 AM Blogger Elizabeth said...

it starts when you're pregnant and doean't get an better when the kid is born.. hahaha (At least that's my experience) I'll admit, though, playing with the little one can be quite tiring


Post a Comment