Friday, August 26, 2005

A Sucker For Punishment

"On the Go"...
should be more appropriately named "On the CAN"
A few months ago I waltzed into 7-11 and was jonesing for something cool and refreshing to drink. I usually tend to go for the delightful burn provided only by a diet coke or diet pepsi, and I love getting my aspartame fix. I know, it's a vice, but I've been drinking diet stuff for years (can't you tell by my girlish figure?!). I try to steer clear of sugary drinks because if I am going to spend a few hundred calories on something sweet I will opt for a chocolate indulgence. It's simple logic, really. Anyways, there I was in the convenience store when out of the corner of my eye I saw, at the slurpee machine, a flavour by Crystal Light. A sugar-free slurpee? What a treat! I hadn't had a slurpee in years, so I walked over and filled up a cup with the syruppy ice and began happily chugging it down. A guilt-free cool treat, what a perfect addition to a hot summer day.
However...
about an hour later I felt this rumbling in my lower intestines, as though there was a rabid monkey kicking my spleen. Before I knew it, I was doing a cheek-clenched sprint to the bathroom and I had the most explosive diarrhea I've ever experienced. Seriously. It was a major event.
After my guts had been totally cleared out, I swore to myself that I would NEVER have a Crystal Light slurpee again.
Fast forward three days. It was hot and I had just finished a 5 km walk and I got a craving for...you guessed it...a Crystal Light slurpee. So I bought one. And the same thing happened. Again, I promised that would be the last time.
Yeah right.
Over the course of this summer I've had about seven of the laxative slurpees, the last of which being one that I had just yesterday evening. I was out driving with Steve and was like "Can we stop and get a slurpee?"
And he asked, "What kind are you going to get?"
"I don't know," I lied.
"Yes you do," he retorted.
"You're right. I do. I want me some Crystal Light!" I yelled.
He tried to convince me to abstain, but after a short debate he caved and I had a slurpee in my hungry paws. Sure enough, an hour later, I was plagued by riotous cramps and a frighteningly poweful case of the squirts.
I promise...that was the last time!

Amanda Brown at 11:36 AM

2comments

2 Comments

at 12:17 PM Blogger christy said...

I just have to say...told you so...
Please Amanda, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND RIGHT IN THIS WORLD AND FOR THE SAME OF YOU POOR COLON STOP DRINKING THE SLUSHIE!!!!!!

 
at 3:43 PM Blogger Adele said...

Why do you keep doing this to yourself? You are seriously addicted girl!

 

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